textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
