i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
