the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
