So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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