my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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