he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
