Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
wow bdsm is so cute
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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