I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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