The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
