I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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