He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
