well you can't waste a boner
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
