Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
