i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
It was confusing and full of hummus
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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