WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
