you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
