I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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