i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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