brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
they need to just BURY HIM!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
