woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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