So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
