I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Everything about him screamed your future.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
