So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was not drunk enough for that final.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
