awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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