You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
