oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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