At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
