I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
