he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
