I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
