Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
