Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
