Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
