Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
