they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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