Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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