You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
