I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
