It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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