I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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