She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
