loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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