kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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