I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
