I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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