Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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