She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
