Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
