im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
