you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
