when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
