we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Drunk is a universal language darling
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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