I didn't shave. On purpose
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You ruined the universe
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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