the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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