wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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