I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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