I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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