I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
