My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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