my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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